What to do?

I am frequently presented with this question. Well, i present it to myself. i have about 2 months left of summer and i have done nothing and i have no idea what i am going to do.

One thing that i want to do beyond anything is to get out of my oppressive house. Being here does not help me to relax. Being here makes me even more stressed than i tend to get at school. And i often wonder why i was so eager to come home. Shouldn't i have learned my lesson already? Nothing is ever the way i expect it. Nothing ever happens the way that i would like for it to happen. Why should coming home be any different? I get my hopes up and they are then dashed. Sliced. Shattered. Dissolved.

Why do i even try anymore? I try not to hate my stepfather. And then something happens and i find myself saying that i hate him. He is the one person that i truly hate. And this hatred is the one obstacle that keeps me from continuing my walk with Christ. I know that i am not supposed to hate anyone. I need to love them. I guess i am just going about it wrong. He is the one person that does things that can get to me.

My intro to theology professor talked about the love of Christ. And how we are called to love everyone, but often find it hard. The thing that we must do is to "hop onto" God's love for a person that we may not like. Or anyone, for that matter.

So i guess i ask for your help. your help in prayer. Pray that i will hop onto God's love for my stepdad. That is the only way that i can love him. And pray that all of these things that he does will not get to me.

What next?

Well, i had an interview for a church near Dallas, Tx this past wed. I was so pumped for it and just so ready. I spent the day awaiting for a flight going down, after my own flight was canceled due to weather in Dallas. So i was down there at about 5:30 and i met the pastor in person and then had dinner with his family along with the NYI President (for those who dont know that stands for Nazarene youth international). After dinner, i hung out with the NYI Pres and we went around picking up some kids for the youth group. I noticed very quickly that all of these kids were black, as we were in a somewhat urban area. And this made me very excited. After we get to the church, i sit for an hour giving my testimony and answering some questions. I thought that this time went very well. I then officially met some kids in the youth group and was super pumped. I was sure that this is where God was going to put me for the summer.

So about a half hour after i get back to the airport, the Pastor calls me to tell me the news. As it turns out, the CHurch Board's vote was a negative one. I was bummed. and what bummed me further was the fact that the main reason the vote was negative is because i lack a car. And when i found that out, i was not only bummed, but kind of perturbed. The lack of a car...come on. i have a license and i coud drive someone else's car. But as much as i was upset and bummed, i came to realize that i guess this is not where God wanted me for the summer. Which just really stinks.

This was summer job rejection number 2. First YouthFront and now this...God telling me to do something else. This something else, i STILL have no idea what it shall be, but i hope that it will; i know that it will come. I just need to be listening when God whispers it in my ear.

So i guess all this to say...keep me in those prayers of yours. i would be MOST greatful.
Love ya
Dios Te Bendiga